bleah

You know that feeling of utter and complete dispair? Thats wat im feeling right now...or atleast i was till 5 mins ago...until someone shoved a bit of sense into my head and told me to live my life one day at a time...im not usually the paranoid kind but lately ive been feeling that way...i know im the bindaas(dont care a damn) kinda girl but...sometimes...it just hits you...and when u want that non-carish attitude of yours to come out more than anything else in the world, it just doesnt.And then the paranoia just kicks in...Im so confused about where im going, what im going to do..i know im going to eventually do big things in my life but i have no clue when, where or what it is im going to do...and that feeling at times just starts to eat into you and you need a punching bag( as is wat this friend of mine is willing to pose as). I really need some time-out. Fine people have bigger issues, but this is my ISSUE. But only time can fix it......cuz i cant say, here and now, where im going to be a year from now.Another thing that really got me thinking is how when some people make an exit from your life, a fresh bunch make an entrance...and somehow...its all for the better...this venting out process really helps....sigh....

hmmmmm

Im happy with my life....but still it feels like something's missing...dont know if im reading into things too much or if i shud just let it be...ill probably just let it be cuz im too lazy to figure out wat it is...(now all this sounds so twisted in my head!)...the past week has been a blast....ONLY good times...didnt really have a low point at any time.....starting sunday, cp concert(blast! drunk for 5 hours straight!), all the lunches, all the dinners (ODing on food...not good) last night's "jam" session at home....its all been fun fun and more fun....but something still isnt there...aarrrgh anyway who cares...im happy and content...ma's leaving for the hospital for 5 weeks tmrw....just thinking of it as a long holiday and that she'll be back home soon.....but home just isnt home without her...seems more like a hostel..people trooping in n out...but when amma's around everything just lightens up....the amount of love that just oozes out of her is truely amazing and just one look at her makes u feel sooo much better....damn im gonna miss her....aah no...its only a matter of 5 weeks...yay....(consoling myself seems to be helping quite a bit).....some people have suddenly entered my life and i feel really good about that cuz their amazing individuals who i have a lot to learn from..i guess the right people come into ur life at a point when their needed and their here to stay....feeling sane again:)