You wonder why

I'm having an out-of-body experience... always wondered what that feels like...and now i do...
dazed and confused. i know i'm doing something that's very momentary.. it's so wrong but it feels so right (cliched.i know.) it's not long term. it can't be. i miss my life. more than what's good for me. waking up with that icky feeling in the pit of your stomach. i hate it. i want it to go away. i'm beign self-destructive. but i can't stop myself. there are moments when im blissed, milliseconds if possible, and then doom sets in. it can't happen. it can't be rectified. i want to be with him but i can't give my all because of this feeling of inadequacy, i repeat, doom.

" cuz i still haven't found, what i'm looking for " - doubt i ever will.


bye.

My Tattoo =)

It's fiiinalllyyyy here!!!! When i get the time i shall write a longer post=)
Fromise=)
for now, just oggle and drool at this baby=)

The suuuper happy post =)

squeal!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3yrCUyPvTo&eurl=http://www.orkut.com/FavoriteVideoView.aspx?uid=5318645893096691410&ad=1193727023

The past

The past few days have been filled with mixed feelings. most of the time i've been happy and content buttt...a couple of hours here and there have been suuuper low...and i don't know why. and i hate that i don't know why. i had a really fulfilling weekend, and a mid-week holiday (which are the BESTEST holiday's EVER!). after months i had actually taken a day off and loafed (in the true sense of the word) with the rewan all dayy looong. CCD,MG,CCD. od'd on chocolate, big time, it felt sooo good. we were happy and not just normal happy, but shiny happy people happy. but then there have been the low points the fast few days. utter state of confusion and well madness running around inside my head. hopefully it should all straighten. hope. a word i've been riding on for too long. hmmm.

Bigger,Better things

We all aspire to move onto bigger and better things...sometimes it all falls into your lap, and sometime, well, it just doesnt. I'm part of the latter category right now. Certain things i want that seem to be impossible to attain right now, it's frustrating , but like a friend once told me ,"keep the faith" and i sure as hell am doing that. Just hope it works out, settles down,gets better. Bigger and better.

Bah.

Nostalgia and CP

CP's back!!!:D With the biggest bang EVER! It was a suuuuper nostalgic weekend...everyone together again, alcohol,food and awesome company. And what do you know! They qualified for the finals for Independence Rock! They had a blast up on stage, you could see it, and you could feel their energy, and that's all that mattered:) Anurag and Unni chugging away their beer, Kenny resorting to drinking straight out of a pitcher (!?!), kissu "waaat raaaa" demanding his glass of pepsi, and Jason, well, holidaying away in Singapore! T'was ferfect:) And their back next weekend to pump up the energy and set that stage on fire!!! (please don't ACTUALLY do that! I'm NOT paying for the damages!!!) Go here for more fotus!

Last Night

It was plain,blissed fun, after quite a few days. rewan askay me ravi. laughed lots. pee'd lots. ate lots. talked about bikes a LOT(!?!) . has to be done again super soon.my wowers.

Us

i miss us. all of us. together. drunk. tripping on each other. spitting on each other. tickling each other. beating each other.being there for each other. at the end of the day, loving each other.my boyses. my pillars of , well, a lot more than strength. my saviors. anger,tears,joy,bliss..we've seen it all, we've felt it all. lollipops.toffees.omelette curry.old monk rum(for them).KF(for me).car rides.getting lost.getting picked up.playing the three chords of "nothing else matters" over and over.fatty.beedis.noons.rice bowl.frankie's hugs.unni's beating.anu's maan.i miss us.

All grown up

She's all growp up. I could be talking about me AND her. Those days when we used to scratch each other's eyes out at a drop of a hat are now only distant memories. The bonding makes me feel all happy and blissed, especially with my older sister image*snicker*...all the late nights,stuffing our already stuffed faces...the familiar, the NOT SO familiar...it's pure bliss, every second...all the fighting only brought us closer together. Miss you babe. Happy IIT day:) ummmmmah

Ceaser's Palace

Their making it huge day by day and no words can spell out how proud i am of them! Better start getting their autographs before it goes whoosh to their heads. Love you boysus! For your music, support and wowe!

Their first recording which was due to sheer luck and they had no clue!--------www.myspace.com/ceasersmusic

Bah!

Second blog entry for the day...monotony fills my day...it was so exciting 2 weeks ago and now? pure and simple-monotony...i want that feeling off excitement/bliss back..like the title of this post aptly puts it ...BAH..watching..and...well....waiting. bleah feeling go away!!!

The Epitome of Humour

One word. Frasier.

Frasier: I DO NOT HAVE A FAT FACE!Niles: Oh please, I keep wondering how long you're going to store those nuts for winter!Author, Author
Niles: Now order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will of course come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough to send his cross-dressing teenaged son to us for $150 an hour therapy. Frasier: To the circle of life. (They clink glasses)Seat of Power

Frasier: Advertising? Isn't that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist?Niles: Said Dr Pot to Dr Kettle.Love Bites Dog
Niles: I know I don't have your total support, but ... how shall I put this?Frasier: You don't care.Niles: If you could work the phrase "rat's ass" in there you'd have it. Mixed Doubles
Martin: For God's sake, Frasier, you're forty-one years old - it's time you learned something. The system ain't perfect - sometimes the bad guy wins. And all those things you thought would be around to help you, the courts and the police department - well, sometimes, they're just not there when you need them, so you can let it eat a hole in your stomach or you can just file it away under the heading "Sometimes life sucks." Frasier: Yeah, well, that file's getting pretty thick!The Crucible
Niles: Those were awful, those family driving vacations. Dad insisting on covering as many miles as possible in a day; the two of us, tiny hostages in the back seat, clutching our car sickness bags, straining to see something out of the window as the landscape whizzed by. I was 13 before I realized cows aren't blurry. Travels with Martin
Frasier: You know the expression "Living well is the best revenge"?Niles: Wonderful expression. I just don't know how true it is, you don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. "Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaked vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well." Seat of Power

Niles: And I stormed out and slammed the door! Of course, it was that fourteenth century Bavarian cathedral door, so I had to get two of the servants to help me, but what it lacked in spontanaity it made up for in resonance. The Last Time I saw Maris

LOL

A fresh start:)

I bagged my dream job 3 days ago:) im fiiiiiinally employed at Radio Indigo which has been a job i've wanted for quite a while now:) I'm having a blast, working bloody hard, and enjoying every moment of it:) Though my body clock is still getting accustomed to the insane work hours, im having the time of my life:) and my sapota's have truely stood by me through this whole time...just hearing their encouraging words ...the tantrums they've put up with one too many times...love them to death and more..oooh the happy day's are back:D IM EMPLOYED!!!!

psssst

i have now become a haircut addict...due to lack of other things to keep myself busy with:P

Silly

I'm just feeling incredibly silly....dont know why...dont WANT to know why...but i just am...a flood of moodswings...and only a few individuals have had to deal with it...poor things....ive now been christened "kaali"...and then every backs off... like a friend of mine just told me "atleast someone gets it"...ur damn right...:) I had managed to lose touch with a LOT of old friends...and i dont usually do that...but sadly i had...and so i knew i had to make that little effort to get them back into my life..people ive known 7 or 8 years...who've probably stood by me thru my worst times...people i really care for..and honestly wat did it take to rekindle those relationships ? just one call...it speaks a lot for them...and to an extent for me...anyway im just glad i did...
i hate being pretentious..and feeling bummed out....and to sit n think that everyone else has lives better than mine...because really, thats all relative...differs from person to person, wat makes one's life "good"...i think i have everything going for me...no wait..i KNOW i have everything going for me...so ide might as well make the most of it...which is something ive started doing...not taking those small things for granted and appreciating pretty much everything coming my way...and it truely has helped...i used to be tense..always just tense...but now...i dont care a f***...life just couldn't get any better...

The Road Trip:)

31st December '06

The best part about it this trip was that it was planned only a day before...Aswin had this sudden brainwave that we should all just take off n leave town for the day on sunday....me being the hyper self that i am got all ...well...hyper...to say the least. So we decided to take Frankie's brand new vandi and settled on 6:30 am as departure time:) But obviously, with the luck we have, it got delayed by 5 hours!!! Frankie was chilled, bhomi and bijoy were too busy discussing NCC and Aswin and Kakks were busy getting drunk at Kairali to stay calm:) Neetu, wanted to head home after her bus journey to brush her teeth as she kept her mouth covered from the bus stop to her place ( with bhomi and bijoy discussing how after she gets married, will she talk to her husband after waking up next to him)...poor girl...anyway....moving on now, we waited "patiently" outside her house while she not only brushed her teeth but took a shower too:) . During this time Bhomi and Bijoy (who i will now refer to as B& B cuz its just too damn long to type their names out) headed to the nearest shady bar and bought 12 WARM beers( gaak!), by which time neetu had decked herself up and headed down:) On the way to pick up the boys from Kairali we were all pretty nervous about getting the shelling of our lives from them for being late, but as we approached Kairali, this is wat we saw- Unns drunk, with a beedi attached to his mouth and Aswin hanging onto him, also, well...DRUNK. Hilarious that was.... and that's when our day truely began:) (though mine began at 7 am when i was told to wake up! bleedy idiots!) So we all piled into the car and met Kissu on our way who took a fairly hyper Bijoy with him:) I had to deal with Bhomi's lectures about how my hair wont go haywire if the windows are down and frankie's grave attempts to make sure i dont drive the car! There were a few pit stops on the way for tender coconuts and pisses...then the priceless one came along...aswin decided to let kakka ride the bike ( i have nooo idea for wat joy) and as they rode along we watched the silencer give way with a loud burst:) ...kakka's face fell and the bike stopped...hahahahhaa....bhomi and i sat at the back giggling away whereas frank's bp went for a toss:) anyway he test rode the bike n it was fine...except this time kakka didnt want to ride...relief:) ...after around an hour and a half more of driving/riding we still hannt reached Sangam (ahem where the 3 rivers, Cauvery, Tungabadra and Arkavati meet ,but wasnt too appealing to any of us...) ...we decided to get a lil adventurous and took a left turn onto a mud track which leads to the Arkavati Dam..i somehow expected it to be dry, which it was to an extent, but then we reached this spot which was seriously gorgeous...the tail end of the dam extended out into a lake and was atleast 20ft high...me being the woos that i am was shit scared to walk it...everyone went n sat at the edge of this stretch and then frankie came back for me, ( the same shit he pulled at wonderla...yanking my arm!) and dragged me to the edge...the drama queen that i am kept screaming "im getting dizzy! i want to go back! frankie take me back! bastard! take me back!" heheh but it was sooo worth it...the view from there was kickass...we sat there drinking, smoking, laughing, with nervous giggles coming out of me... blast it was:) then kissu, kakka, frankie n neetu headed to the other side of the dam...apparently the ride was awesome with kakka nearly landing on kissu's head while kissu looked at the "scenery"..i had to deal with aswin standing next to me saying "how mean ra these guys are...left us and went" bwahhahahaa...paapaa...anyway they finished off their little "trip to the other side" after something like 10 mins they headed back...then the whole bunch of us left for Sangam with me driving and the other 4 on bikes...fiiiiinally we reached sangam...and wat did we see? hoards of people in this tiiiny little river ...not happy...no one was happy...aswin and i quickly pulled out cigs to keep ourselves happy...the rest whined and walked towards the river..frankie and kakka found a pretty spot where there was no one where they cud swim..at that point kissu and i (being the halli's that we are) found a bunch of men beating the crap out of each other in the river...our eyes were only for them while kakka was yelling at us to walk..hehe...anyway we headed towards this "spot" and thats when frankie revealed to us his multi coloured swimming trunks:P!! i stiffled my giggles or he wudve broken my other arm too! cute it was:) so kakka and frankie got into the water...frankie tried to do splashing stunts in the water which were'nt very impressive and then attempted to swim which was even worse! kakka went slipping n sliding over rocks till he found a spot on the rock and sat his non existent backside there..the rest of us were'nt really entertained n therefore left these two and headed for lunch...sat at a restaurant called the "tender coconut"(god knows why) and ordered mutton biryani...the biryani rocked...dont know if it was just due to sheer hunger or wat but it rocked...and when the bill came we realised how we had been royally scammed...the damn thing was 100 bucks each!!! Everyone was too tired to argue or curse so we payed the bill; n left:) kakka and kissu left early even though kakka had a broken ass and the rest of us piled into the car with B&B on the starcity.. with a very drunk Bhomi going as the pillion rider...hahahah coming back was fuun:0 got stuck behind a truck full of gaping men for a bit...as they didnt let us overtake...also nearly crashed into a bullock cart...happy happy times, reached blore...even though sangam sucked...the dam was kickass and we had a blast:) we had 4 drunk boysus with us so how cud it not be:)fun it was...
ps: kissu and kakka have red and tan stripes across their faces due to severe sunburn:) bwahahahahahahahah