You wonder why

I'm having an out-of-body experience... always wondered what that feels like...and now i do...
dazed and confused. i know i'm doing something that's very momentary.. it's so wrong but it feels so right (cliched.i know.) it's not long term. it can't be. i miss my life. more than what's good for me. waking up with that icky feeling in the pit of your stomach. i hate it. i want it to go away. i'm beign self-destructive. but i can't stop myself. there are moments when im blissed, milliseconds if possible, and then doom sets in. it can't happen. it can't be rectified. i want to be with him but i can't give my all because of this feeling of inadequacy, i repeat, doom.

" cuz i still haven't found, what i'm looking for " - doubt i ever will.


bye.